I just saw a hot homeless man
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
