i think my tv is drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
