Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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