Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
