It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
