all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
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Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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