Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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