I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
