Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
