Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
