We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
