you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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