People with herpes should wear stickers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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