Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She announced her abortion via fbk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
