I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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