On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
