so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
