We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize