I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
