i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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