i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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