wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
two words...techno handjob
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
