He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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