Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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