The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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