if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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