been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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