You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
