I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
