Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
