i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
only if we run a train.
done.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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