I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
