He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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