Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
