Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
