i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
