Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
