Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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