Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
FUCK WHALES
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