What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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