Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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