last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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