you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
True strength comes from lack of pants
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
