We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
