My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
