One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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