he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
