i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
