How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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