I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
