oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
