Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
