sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
