Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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