we're chasing vodka with high fives
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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