After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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