gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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