Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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