someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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