i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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