he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
