I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
