I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
