i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sarcasm needs its own font
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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