LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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