Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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