You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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