I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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