I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize