i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
