sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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