If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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