this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
