I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sext me about skeletons
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
